Preparing Children for an International Move: Understanding the Stages of Adjustment

Relocating to a new country is one of the biggest decisions a family can make. For parents, it usually follows months of research, planning and weighing up options. For children, it is often a decision made for them. They may feel excited one day and anxious the next. Their worries can also be very different from ours: who they will sit with at lunch, whether anyone will understand them, or whether their best friend will forget them.

It is easy to assume that children will simply adapt, especially if they have enjoyed holidays abroad. But relocation is very different from a holiday. A holiday has a return date, the novelty is part of the fun, and familiar life is waiting at home. A move asks children to leave behind friends, routines, a school and often a language, and then to rebuild all of these from the beginning.

An initial “honeymoon” period is often followed by a dip, with frustration or homesickness, before people gradually settle. Knowing this helps parents expect ups and downs, rather than reading every difficult day as a sign the move was a mistake.

As a parent who has moved countries myself, and as a former Admissions Manager at an international school, I have seen this from both sides. In my admissions role, I met many families in the middle of a move and saw how differently children arrived at their new school. Some had clearly been prepared: they knew a little about the country, had a few words of the language and understood why the family was moving. Others were arriving with very little idea of what to expect. The difference often showed in how quickly they found their feet. Preparation will not remove every difficulty. However, children who feel informed, involved and already a little familiar with their new home tend to settle more quickly and with more confidence.

In this post we look at how to prepare children at different stages, from the very youngest to teenagers. The aim is for the move to feel less like something happening to them and more like something they are part of. When parents know what to expect and prepare for each stage in advance, the whole process becomes easier for everyone.

1. The honeymoon stage

In the early weeks, everything feels new and exciting: the food, the streets, the new bedroom, perhaps the weather. Children may seem to be settling in remarkably well, and parents often feel relieved.

How to prepare: Enjoy this stage, but don’t rely on it. Use the excitement to build positive associations with the new place, such as a favorite park, a local café or a weekend outing. Before the move, plan a few of these “firsts” together so children have something specific to look forward to. At the same time, gently prepare them for the fact that not every day will feel this way.

2. The culture shock stage

Once the novelty wears off, the differences start to feel tiring rather than interesting. Children may miss their friends, struggle to follow lessons in another language, or feel left out of jokes and games they don’t understand. This can show up as irritability, tears, tummy aches, trouble sleeping or a sudden refusal to go to school. Teenagers may withdraw or insist that everything was better “back home”.

How to prepare: This is the stage where advance preparation pays off most. Children who already know some of the language, have read about local customs and have seen what everyday life looks like will find fewer surprises. Talk openly before the move about the possibility of feeling homesick, so it doesn’t come as a shock or feel like failure. Arrange regular video calls with friends and family, and keep familiar routines, such as bedtime stories, family meals and weekend traditions, as anchors when everything else is changing.

3. The adjustment stage

Gradually, things start to make sense. Children begin to understand how the school day works, pick up more of the language and form their first friendships. There will still be difficult days, but they become less frequent.

How to prepare: Support this stage by helping children build connections. Before the move, research clubs, sports and activities that match their interests, so they can join something soon after arriving. Shared activities are one of the easiest ways to make friends without relying only on language. Stay in close contact with the school, too. Teachers are often the first to notice whether a child is finding their feet.

4. The adaptation stage

Eventually, the new country begins to feel like home. Children are comfortable with daily life, have their own friendships and routines, and often move easily between their old and new cultures. This doesn’t mean they have forgotten where they came from. Many children develop a sense of belonging to both.

How to prepare: Plan from the start to keep the home culture alive alongside the new one. Celebrate familiar holidays, speak the home language and stay in touch with family and friends. Children who feel they don’t have to choose between their two worlds tend to adapt with more confidence and a stronger sense of identity.

It is also worth knowing that some families experience a similar cycle when they eventually return home, often called “reverse culture shock”. If a return is part of your plans, the same preparation applies.

Every family’s journey is different, but no family has to make it alone. Reaching out to other expat parents, joining community groups and getting involved in school life can make a new place feel like home much sooner. Children often find friends among other newcomers, and parents find reassurance in shared experiences. Prepare well and be patient with the ups and downs, and you may find that the move opens doors for your children that you never expected.